My stomach hurts. A lot. It has done so for the last week. For no apparent reason. At all. This means I've been at the doctor a few times the past ten days. Each and every doctor asked me if I'm pregnant. - Which I am NOT! Now, this is not really a problem, I understand why they have to ask. But it would be nice if they'd believe me, when I tell them there is no way in hell that I am pregnant. -.-
But those nice doctors haven't been able to figure out whats wrong, and my stomach continues hurting. I'm not eating much at the moment, because of me stomach. Eating hurts worse then being hungry. So I prefer being hungry. Which my mother doesn't approve. She actually makes me eat, and makes sure that I don't loose all to much weight. I love her. She's the best. - Even though I might not always say so, I still think so.
Besides the stomach-issue I'm really getting better. My psychologist and I have agreed that we won't make another appointment. I can still call her, if I feel sad, but otherwise, we won't be seeing each other again soon. At our last meeting she told me something that really made me happy. She told me, that even though I might have been down a very, very black hole, I am very good at dealing with it, and finding my way out of it again. She told me that I am a very strong girl, and if I only hold on to that strength nothing in the world can stop me from reaching my goals. This gives me hope. So what if I ain't perfect? I'm still worthy of being happy. This is something I have to get used to. It's something I tell myself everyday. And I'll continue doing so 'till I actually believes in it. I'm done with being the ugly duckling. I'm going to be a motherfucking swan now.
But still, I'm going to take babysteps. You don't go from being slightly depressed and having panic-attacks to being a fully functionally and happy person. It takes time. And that's all I need right now. Time to find myself again, and to learn that perfect isn't the goal, and 55kg doesn't mean fat. At least not for me.
Oh yeah, I'm going to put a number of the day in there. It'll be the number I've seen most time at work that day. (I Might explain more about it later)
Yesterdays number is 404.
And todays song is Getting Better by The Beatles :D
Over and out
- Brian
