What a weekend >.>

Hi ^^

So right now I'm filled with mixed feelings. A fucking lot of things have happened during this weekend (Including yesterday and today). For an instant one of my exes have appearently  just broken up with his girlfriend, and now he expects me to take him back and be grateful to him. GRATEFUL! I was the one who dumped that sorry-ass bastard in the first place and I am NOT going to take him back ever again. He was a mistake that I am not going to repeat. He says that he has changed, and that it'll not be the same. But as far as I am concerned he can take those changes and shove them up his ass. I don't care about them, and I don't want them in my life. Now, this may sound like I really don't like him, but that's actually not it. Yeah he was prick while we were together, but before that we had a very damn good friendship. And I miss that friendship. But I know I can't get it back, and I don't want to pretend. I'm done pretending outside the stage. (As an actress)
Another thing is that there is this girl. And she is simply amazing. We've been keeping eachother from 'drowing' in the black sea of depression for quite some time now. Sometimes she calls me in the middle of the night, crying and telling me that she don't want to do 'this' (this being living and lying) anymore. And then I'll talk to her. Most of the time what I say doesn't even make any sense at all. But that doesn't matter. Because the thing is, when someone is willing to stay up for the whole night just to talk to you, you know they care. And sometimes that's enough to bring just a little light into your life. Maybe not much, but just enough to let you get through the darkness :3
But that is actually not what I wanted to say about her xD
W've been fooling around a bit, and now things are getting quite serious. And this is confusing. On one side she is the over all best friend I have, and I would fucking beat up anyone who hurt her, if she asked me to. On another side she is kinda like a sister to me. She has always been the one closest to drowning, and have therefore been more relying on me than I have on her. Sometimes I just want to wrap her in bubbleplast so that nothing in the world could every hurt her again. And then, on the third side. I love her. I simply just love her. I love her with all my heart and soul, and because of that I am afraid that if we get to serious our friendship might shatter. A relationship doesn't work if one is madly in love while the other one might not feel just as much.

And then there is this boy. He's a friend of mine and - unfortunatly - very much in love with me.. I know this because he said so. It's been a few years since the last time I spoke to him but then I met him this weekend. I feel so sorry for him. I do not want to hurt him - he's been hurt more than enough already - but I don't see any other other way out of it. He's practically been texting me every ten minutes or so. I'd be okay with being his friend. But if cannot understand that, I'd have to cut him out. This would not be very hard on me, since I've not been speaking with him for 2 and half year. And I didn't really miss him. Yes I helped him, back when we was in the same class, and yes I was his friend. But this was because he was so alone. And I had been so alone. I got bullied for being nice to him. And I don't miss being bullied.

Todays song is Angel in my pocket - I don't know who made it (Not because I like it, but because it's constantly being played at my work).
And todays number is 28008. Because I've been bored today, and if you write it in digital numbers and turn it upside down it spells "BOOBS" XD

Over and out
- Brian

Phew

I made it! I was not fired :D I got a warning, but that's all. I was so relieved I cried when Irena (She was the one that told me I might get fired) told me that I still have a job.
So today have been pretty good all in all. There's been a few angry costumers, but what the hell. Their mood is not my problem and I don't really care if they're having a bad day as long as it is not really my fault.
Clothes irons a not very good for your fingers. At least not if you try to iron your fingers... I learned that this morning xD Ouch... So most of the day my left thumb have hurt like hell! It doesn't anymore though. I don't feel anything on the spot that've been burned. It doesn't hurt if I poke the spot with a needle 'till it gets through the skin. I could spend a lot of time poking my thumb with needles if not my mother had told me to stop. She said that her thumb started hurting just from watching me do it xD
Todays number is 8. Not because a lot of costumers have spent 8 DKR today, but because it's my lucky number and I feel pretty damn lucky to still have a job today :D
Todays song is Dear Mr. Jesus writtin by Richard Klender and sung by Sharon Batts (6 years old).

Over and out
- Brian

Damn...

Soo... Today've been kind of a mixed day. Most have been great, work was fine and afterwards I spend two hours with Leaz. (It would've been more if not her parents called her at six pm and told her to get home). It was nice seeing her again, we had sooo much to talk about :3
Though not all of the day have been that pleasant. I've made a mistake at work. A mistake that might just cost me the job. See, we have these costumers that are hired to see if they can smugle a product past the cashiers. (I work as a cashier) And apparently he got past me three times. Now, I don't think this is true. Yesterday I actually caught him. And with yesterday being my thrid time, he'd only got past me two times. Thou one of my bosses (I actually have a lot of them o.o) told me that yesterday doesn't count. All because I didn't see what was in his cart 'till AFTER he'd pay for everything else. I was just giving him the receipt when I noticed a bottle of fabric softner in his cart. I asked about it, bla bla bla, he paid for it and everything seemed to wwork out just fine. BUT! Because he'd already paid for everything else, it doesn't count as if I caugth him. He got past me. And I might loose my job. I have no idea of what to do if I loose this job. Getting a new one will NOT be easy. Both because of my age. It's not easy to get a job in a age of seventeen as most employers like cheap labor, and I can only provide that for 9 more months (After that I'll be eighteen and therefore more expensive to hire).
As I'm not in school right now I really need a job. I need something to get me out of the bed in mornings, something to wake up to. And there is six months 'till I'll start at school again. Six months is a long time doing nothing at all. I am terrified of losing this job. I'm afraid I might get back to the point I was when I dropped out of school. I need to keep myself busy.
Todays number is 250. Lots and lots of customers have spend 250 DKR today xD
And the song of today Alyssa lies by Jason Michael Caroll

Worship what you got, cause you might loose it in less than a second.
- Brian

Vegetarian

I will from this point on not eat meat. At least I wouldn't if it was my decision to make. Which it is not. As long as I live at home my mother out rules any such decision. Her argument is that she's afraid I'd lose to much weight I eat as a vegetarian. Now I do understand her, I've been quite good at losing weight the past year, but that doesn't matter much. I don't like to eat meat. It's not because I don't like the taste, I do like it, I just don't like the way animals become a product instead of a living creature. So untill I move out I still have to discuss with my mother whether or not I should eat the same as the rest of the family.
Right now I'm not really in a very good mood. I'm angry with my mother, my sister is a pain, and I miss my friend Leaz. I have no friend like Leaz. She is amazing. I haven't seen her for ages, since she's at a continuation school just as I was last year. But I am, however, gonna see her this Friday. We are going to spend most of the day together, browsing all the great stores in Herning, and going to a café. Stuff like that. I'm really looking forward to this.
But right now I am going to sleep. I have to go to work tomorrow and didn't really sleep much this night.
Todays song is Sverddans by Burzum.
And the number of the day is five. Not that I've been at work today, but to day has just felt like a... Five-ish day.

Over and out
 - Brian