Raging out!

I am furious! I am frustrated! And I am restless! I just want to get away! I want to leave. I do not want to be here anymore! I long for the day I can move away from home. 6 months seems like a very fucking long time, and I am incredible impatient. I am sick of living with my family. I am sick of listening to my sister when she says how tired she is of me. I am sick of my mother always looking over my shoulder, telling me what to do and when to do it. And I am sick of people telling me that I am not old enough. Fuck you! Fucking fuck you! I want to scream my anger out, but suppresses it into silent tears instead. Wouldn't wanna wake up anyone, now would we? Sometimes I think I'm to kind for my own good. Why does everyone else always have to come before me? Why can't I for once be the most important thing? I know I'm not being fair right now. I know I'm being a selfish bitch right now. But you know what? I don't fucking care!
If I wanna be a selfish bitch, then let me! I always thinks far too much 'bout how everyone else feels and what they think of me. So please, let me be furious, let me be selfish, let me take care of myself! FUCKING FUCK! SHIT! FUCKING ANT PEE! AAARGH! Gosh, I wish I could scream right now. Just scream. Scream all the anger out. Just get rid of it. It's been quite some time since bleeding was this attractive. I know the peace it would give me. I know shallow feeling of false happiness that would fill my entire body. I know the silence that would come upon my mind. The calmness that would let me relax, let me sleep. But also I know that I won't do it. I want to think of myself as strong but how can I do that, if I fall for the temptation. I am stronger than that. I won't go down that path again. It's a circle of selfdestruction, and I won't get caught in it again. Not now, when I'm finally out of it. I'm starting to relax a bit again. I knew it was right of me to start blogging instead of anything else. I just had to get all that anger out somehow, and this seemed to be the best way.

Todays song is Smile by Lilly Allen
And todays number is 18.

Over and out
- Brian