I made it! I was not fired :D I got a warning, but that's all. I was so relieved I cried when Irena (She was the one that told me I might get fired) told me that I still have a job.
So today have been pretty good all in all. There's been a few angry costumers, but what the hell. Their mood is not my problem and I don't really care if they're having a bad day as long as it is not really my fault.
Clothes irons a not very good for your fingers. At least not if you try to iron your fingers... I learned that this morning xD Ouch... So most of the day my left thumb have hurt like hell! It doesn't anymore though. I don't feel anything on the spot that've been burned. It doesn't hurt if I poke the spot with a needle 'till it gets through the skin. I could spend a lot of time poking my thumb with needles if not my mother had told me to stop. She said that her thumb started hurting just from watching me do it xD
Todays number is 8. Not because a lot of costumers have spent 8 DKR today, but because it's my lucky number and I feel pretty damn lucky to still have a job today :D
Todays song is Dear Mr. Jesus writtin by Richard Klender and sung by Sharon Batts (6 years old).
Over and out
- Brian
1/16/2012
1/13/2012
Damn...
Soo... Today've been kind of a mixed day. Most have been great, work was fine and afterwards I spend two hours with Leaz. (It would've been more if not her parents called her at six pm and told her to get home). It was nice seeing her again, we had sooo much to talk about :3
Though not all of the day have been that pleasant. I've made a mistake at work. A mistake that might just cost me the job. See, we have these costumers that are hired to see if they can smugle a product past the cashiers. (I work as a cashier) And apparently he got past me three times. Now, I don't think this is true. Yesterday I actually caught him. And with yesterday being my thrid time, he'd only got past me two times. Thou one of my bosses (I actually have a lot of them o.o) told me that yesterday doesn't count. All because I didn't see what was in his cart 'till AFTER he'd pay for everything else. I was just giving him the receipt when I noticed a bottle of fabric softner in his cart. I asked about it, bla bla bla, he paid for it and everything seemed to wwork out just fine. BUT! Because he'd already paid for everything else, it doesn't count as if I caugth him. He got past me. And I might loose my job. I have no idea of what to do if I loose this job. Getting a new one will NOT be easy. Both because of my age. It's not easy to get a job in a age of seventeen as most employers like cheap labor, and I can only provide that for 9 more months (After that I'll be eighteen and therefore more expensive to hire).
As I'm not in school right now I really need a job. I need something to get me out of the bed in mornings, something to wake up to. And there is six months 'till I'll start at school again. Six months is a long time doing nothing at all. I am terrified of losing this job. I'm afraid I might get back to the point I was when I dropped out of school. I need to keep myself busy.
Todays number is 250. Lots and lots of customers have spend 250 DKR today xD
And the song of today Alyssa lies by Jason Michael Caroll
Worship what you got, cause you might loose it in less than a second.
- Brian
Though not all of the day have been that pleasant. I've made a mistake at work. A mistake that might just cost me the job. See, we have these costumers that are hired to see if they can smugle a product past the cashiers. (I work as a cashier) And apparently he got past me three times. Now, I don't think this is true. Yesterday I actually caught him. And with yesterday being my thrid time, he'd only got past me two times. Thou one of my bosses (I actually have a lot of them o.o) told me that yesterday doesn't count. All because I didn't see what was in his cart 'till AFTER he'd pay for everything else. I was just giving him the receipt when I noticed a bottle of fabric softner in his cart. I asked about it, bla bla bla, he paid for it and everything seemed to wwork out just fine. BUT! Because he'd already paid for everything else, it doesn't count as if I caugth him. He got past me. And I might loose my job. I have no idea of what to do if I loose this job. Getting a new one will NOT be easy. Both because of my age. It's not easy to get a job in a age of seventeen as most employers like cheap labor, and I can only provide that for 9 more months (After that I'll be eighteen and therefore more expensive to hire).
As I'm not in school right now I really need a job. I need something to get me out of the bed in mornings, something to wake up to. And there is six months 'till I'll start at school again. Six months is a long time doing nothing at all. I am terrified of losing this job. I'm afraid I might get back to the point I was when I dropped out of school. I need to keep myself busy.
Todays number is 250. Lots and lots of customers have spend 250 DKR today xD
And the song of today Alyssa lies by Jason Michael Caroll
Worship what you got, cause you might loose it in less than a second.
- Brian
1/08/2012
Vegetarian
I will from this point on not eat meat. At least I wouldn't if it was my decision to make. Which it is not. As long as I live at home my mother out rules any such decision. Her argument is that she's afraid I'd lose to much weight I eat as a vegetarian. Now I do understand her, I've been quite good at losing weight the past year, but that doesn't matter much. I don't like to eat meat. It's not because I don't like the taste, I do like it, I just don't like the way animals become a product instead of a living creature. So untill I move out I still have to discuss with my mother whether or not I should eat the same as the rest of the family.
Right now I'm not really in a very good mood. I'm angry with my mother, my sister is a pain, and I miss my friend Leaz. I have no friend like Leaz. She is amazing. I haven't seen her for ages, since she's at a continuation school just as I was last year. But I am, however, gonna see her this Friday. We are going to spend most of the day together, browsing all the great stores in Herning, and going to a café. Stuff like that. I'm really looking forward to this.
But right now I am going to sleep. I have to go to work tomorrow and didn't really sleep much this night.
Todays song is Sverddans by Burzum.
And the number of the day is five. Not that I've been at work today, but to day has just felt like a... Five-ish day.
Over and out
- Brian
Right now I'm not really in a very good mood. I'm angry with my mother, my sister is a pain, and I miss my friend Leaz. I have no friend like Leaz. She is amazing. I haven't seen her for ages, since she's at a continuation school just as I was last year. But I am, however, gonna see her this Friday. We are going to spend most of the day together, browsing all the great stores in Herning, and going to a café. Stuff like that. I'm really looking forward to this.
But right now I am going to sleep. I have to go to work tomorrow and didn't really sleep much this night.
Todays song is Sverddans by Burzum.
And the number of the day is five. Not that I've been at work today, but to day has just felt like a... Five-ish day.
Over and out
- Brian
12/21/2011
Stupid Stomach!..
My stomach hurts. A lot. It has done so for the last week. For no apparent reason. At all. This means I've been at the doctor a few times the past ten days. Each and every doctor asked me if I'm pregnant. - Which I am NOT! Now, this is not really a problem, I understand why they have to ask. But it would be nice if they'd believe me, when I tell them there is no way in hell that I am pregnant. -.-
But those nice doctors haven't been able to figure out whats wrong, and my stomach continues hurting. I'm not eating much at the moment, because of me stomach. Eating hurts worse then being hungry. So I prefer being hungry. Which my mother doesn't approve. She actually makes me eat, and makes sure that I don't loose all to much weight. I love her. She's the best. - Even though I might not always say so, I still think so.
Besides the stomach-issue I'm really getting better. My psychologist and I have agreed that we won't make another appointment. I can still call her, if I feel sad, but otherwise, we won't be seeing each other again soon. At our last meeting she told me something that really made me happy. She told me, that even though I might have been down a very, very black hole, I am very good at dealing with it, and finding my way out of it again. She told me that I am a very strong girl, and if I only hold on to that strength nothing in the world can stop me from reaching my goals. This gives me hope. So what if I ain't perfect? I'm still worthy of being happy. This is something I have to get used to. It's something I tell myself everyday. And I'll continue doing so 'till I actually believes in it. I'm done with being the ugly duckling. I'm going to be a motherfucking swan now.
But still, I'm going to take babysteps. You don't go from being slightly depressed and having panic-attacks to being a fully functionally and happy person. It takes time. And that's all I need right now. Time to find myself again, and to learn that perfect isn't the goal, and 55kg doesn't mean fat. At least not for me.
Oh yeah, I'm going to put a number of the day in there. It'll be the number I've seen most time at work that day. (I Might explain more about it later)
Yesterdays number is 404.
And todays song is Getting Better by The Beatles :D
Over and out
- Brian
But those nice doctors haven't been able to figure out whats wrong, and my stomach continues hurting. I'm not eating much at the moment, because of me stomach. Eating hurts worse then being hungry. So I prefer being hungry. Which my mother doesn't approve. She actually makes me eat, and makes sure that I don't loose all to much weight. I love her. She's the best. - Even though I might not always say so, I still think so.
Besides the stomach-issue I'm really getting better. My psychologist and I have agreed that we won't make another appointment. I can still call her, if I feel sad, but otherwise, we won't be seeing each other again soon. At our last meeting she told me something that really made me happy. She told me, that even though I might have been down a very, very black hole, I am very good at dealing with it, and finding my way out of it again. She told me that I am a very strong girl, and if I only hold on to that strength nothing in the world can stop me from reaching my goals. This gives me hope. So what if I ain't perfect? I'm still worthy of being happy. This is something I have to get used to. It's something I tell myself everyday. And I'll continue doing so 'till I actually believes in it. I'm done with being the ugly duckling. I'm going to be a motherfucking swan now.
But still, I'm going to take babysteps. You don't go from being slightly depressed and having panic-attacks to being a fully functionally and happy person. It takes time. And that's all I need right now. Time to find myself again, and to learn that perfect isn't the goal, and 55kg doesn't mean fat. At least not for me.
Oh yeah, I'm going to put a number of the day in there. It'll be the number I've seen most time at work that day. (I Might explain more about it later)
Yesterdays number is 404.
And todays song is Getting Better by The Beatles :D
Over and out
- Brian
11/19/2011
My awesome neighbors :3
So, I really do some stupid thing from time to time... As for example going for a walk in the middle of the night without my keys. Now this is normally not a problem, since we do have an extra key hidden in the garden. BUT! They extra key has disappeared >.< Which means I was locked out of an empty house in the middle of the night. Luckily my neighbors was not yet asleep, do they'd let me in, and let me stay for the night. The next morning Frede, a 65 year old man, climbed up a latter, and 'broke' into the house. They're just great those people.
So but my mother, her husband and my sister is not home this weekend, which means I'm alone. - Which is great for a change. I've mostly been watching tv, skyping with my friend Amanda, and surfing a bit on the internet. Nothing much have happened.
Tomorrow another friends, Leaz, is probably going to come over. I miss her. I haven't seen her for quite a while.
Todays song is Kringsat av fiender by the old norwegian poet Nordahl Grieg.
Over and out
- Brian
So but my mother, her husband and my sister is not home this weekend, which means I'm alone. - Which is great for a change. I've mostly been watching tv, skyping with my friend Amanda, and surfing a bit on the internet. Nothing much have happened.
Tomorrow another friends, Leaz, is probably going to come over. I miss her. I haven't seen her for quite a while.
Todays song is Kringsat av fiender by the old norwegian poet Nordahl Grieg.
Over and out
- Brian
11/15/2011
The flu...
Yup, that's right I've got the flu... For the second time in my entire life, tops. xD I get a lot of colds, but it's very rare it's anything worse than that.
So today at work I've mostly felt like a bunch of dying crap. And right now I'm sitting in the living room, with a blanket, my cat and fire!! (In the fireplace) And of course a large cup of appletea :D
Otherwise nothing much is actually going on... I've talked to Patrick, and it seems like we've sorted things out, luckily.
Oh yeah, and I've found two genius games (I LOST THE GAME) recently. It's Monst http://www.begamer.com/flash-game/23460/monst) and Pursuit of a Hat http://www.notdoppler.com/pursuitofhat.php) Especially Pursuit of a Hat is great game. You play as this small creature and your job is to get back to your beloved hat. In order to do that, you have to rip off your own limbs. Fortunately you can put them back on, no harm done. I LOVE IT!!!! xD
Do go and play it. Otherwise I'll be standing outside your bedroom window with a bat tonight. Trust me. I'll be there! So why not save me for the trouble, and you for the pain, and just go and play it? xD
(Don't worry I'm just kidding xD) But seriously, play it.
Over and out
- Brian :D
So today at work I've mostly felt like a bunch of dying crap. And right now I'm sitting in the living room, with a blanket, my cat and fire!! (In the fireplace) And of course a large cup of appletea :D
Otherwise nothing much is actually going on... I've talked to Patrick, and it seems like we've sorted things out, luckily.
Oh yeah, and I've found two genius games (I LOST THE GAME) recently. It's Monst http://www.begamer.com/flash-game/23460/monst) and Pursuit of a Hat http://www.notdoppler.com/pursuitofhat.php) Especially Pursuit of a Hat is great game. You play as this small creature and your job is to get back to your beloved hat. In order to do that, you have to rip off your own limbs. Fortunately you can put them back on, no harm done. I LOVE IT!!!! xD
Do go and play it. Otherwise I'll be standing outside your bedroom window with a bat tonight. Trust me. I'll be there! So why not save me for the trouble, and you for the pain, and just go and play it? xD
(Don't worry I'm just kidding xD) But seriously, play it.
Over and out
- Brian :D
11/09/2011
Selfharm
Selfharm is a bad thing. Selfharm is many things. It could be cutting, or hitting oneself. It could be throwing up on purpose. It could be not allowing oneself to feel happy, to feel like one had to be punished everytime something good happened. Or it could be not allowing oneself to feel pretty, or loved, or worth anything.
I have done all of these things. I've got scars from razorblades and blue marks from a belt. I've put two fingers down my throat a bit too often, just to try to get all the evil out of me. Though it always seems to find it's way back inside. And I've always tried to hide all of it. All of this is signals to tell the world that I'm not fucking okay, even if I smile. 'Cause I'm crying myself to sleep more then once a week. I hurt myself. Badly. I'm ashamed of what who I am, and feel sorry for what I do.
Remember what I wrote about the swan and the ugly duckling? Well, I'm not ready to let myself be that swan yet. Far from. Which means that I feel like something much different than what people might see. I still feel like that somewhat chubby girl with glasses and braces I once was. That girl who actually don't have anyone that would listen if she had something to say. I don't feel like the girl I'm being told I am. Therefore I find it very frustrating when people I see as my dear friends suddenly wants to be more than that. Like this boy, Patrick. I love him as my friend, he's funny and quite good at listing, if I actually wants to talk. Unfortunately he's about to ruin our friendship. He just won't understand it when I tell him that there should not be anything more between us. He's trying so hard to get me, that he's pushing me away. I don't know how to tell him to back off, but I know that I better hurry up figure it out. Otherwise I'll have to just cut all contact to him. Which would be very awkward and almost impossible since we have a lot of common friends. It's very complicated... Though I hope I'll find a way to tell him ^^
(This is why I love having my own blog. When I started this post I had tears running down my face, and was ready to go and hurt myself. I am not anymore. It really helps getting everything off my mind. It's as good as talking to a friend, except this is easier; I don't have to feel like a burden for my friends, because I wants to talk.)
Todays song is My Jolly Sailor Bold by Gemma Ward (The mermaid song from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides)
Over and out for now
- Brian
I have done all of these things. I've got scars from razorblades and blue marks from a belt. I've put two fingers down my throat a bit too often, just to try to get all the evil out of me. Though it always seems to find it's way back inside. And I've always tried to hide all of it. All of this is signals to tell the world that I'm not fucking okay, even if I smile. 'Cause I'm crying myself to sleep more then once a week. I hurt myself. Badly. I'm ashamed of what who I am, and feel sorry for what I do.
Remember what I wrote about the swan and the ugly duckling? Well, I'm not ready to let myself be that swan yet. Far from. Which means that I feel like something much different than what people might see. I still feel like that somewhat chubby girl with glasses and braces I once was. That girl who actually don't have anyone that would listen if she had something to say. I don't feel like the girl I'm being told I am. Therefore I find it very frustrating when people I see as my dear friends suddenly wants to be more than that. Like this boy, Patrick. I love him as my friend, he's funny and quite good at listing, if I actually wants to talk. Unfortunately he's about to ruin our friendship. He just won't understand it when I tell him that there should not be anything more between us. He's trying so hard to get me, that he's pushing me away. I don't know how to tell him to back off, but I know that I better hurry up figure it out. Otherwise I'll have to just cut all contact to him. Which would be very awkward and almost impossible since we have a lot of common friends. It's very complicated... Though I hope I'll find a way to tell him ^^
(This is why I love having my own blog. When I started this post I had tears running down my face, and was ready to go and hurt myself. I am not anymore. It really helps getting everything off my mind. It's as good as talking to a friend, except this is easier; I don't have to feel like a burden for my friends, because I wants to talk.)
Todays song is My Jolly Sailor Bold by Gemma Ward (The mermaid song from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides)
Over and out for now
- Brian
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